Kaed 2022/08/11(Thu)21:58 No. 1040626 ID: 11bbc7
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This is Kuuhr. Kuuhr is a master thief, one of the best in the world!

Kaed 2022/08/11(Thu)22:00 No. 1040627 ID: 11bbc7
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As a brilliant and skilled thief, there is nothing Kuuhr likes more than treasure.

Being so intelligent and perceptive, he never lets anything shiny or valuable escape his notice, nor anything dangerous catch him off his guard.

Kaed 2022/08/11(Thu)22:06 No. 1040628 ID: 11bbc7
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Kuuhr has completed many daring heists, and as he is a master planner and strategist, he (almost) always gets away (mostly) unscathed.

If you were to ask Kuuhr what his most useful trait in planning a theft is, he would easily tell you that it is his super good brains and bestest ability to plan for every contingen... contangin... for anything that could go wrong!

Yes, his keen smartmaking definitely been what has gotten Kuuhr through his most dangerous scrapes more than anything else! The fact that he is so quick and sneaky also helps, a little.

Kaed 2022/08/11(Thu)22:16 No. 1040629 ID: 11bbc7
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This has been a slow month for Kuuhr, though.

Certainly, he gets by enough to keep himself fed, but he yearns for something more exciting. This boring little hamlet he's been lying low in barely even has gold around to steal.

While eating his luncheon, Kuuhr imagines what his next heist should be for. Piles of coins are getting boring, he wants to go for something more exciting.



Perhaps he will seek out a cache of valuble, shiny Gemstones?

Or maybe some fancy Relics. Royals are always loaded with relics - crowns, fancy capes, scepters...

Oooh... perhaps Kuuhr will find some Magical Items. They always do such interesting things, and if he can't figure out how to use them, everyone wants to buy them anyway.

Magic Items are always interesting.

...or just a +1 to something, but that's good too.

Go for magical items, fencing them could be an adventure in of itself!

Steal clothing! Or go on a panty raid!

Steal people's hearts. I think it's time you found yourself some companionship. You seem adorable enough for some headpats

Seek magic items, for great justice!

>>1040629
Hey you know what would help with pondering? A magic orb! We should totally go steal one so we can properly ponder what we should steal.

Magic Items of course!

Steal shiny gemstones! Or shiny relics, maybe, crowns are nice.

Magical Item Girlfriend!

Kaed 2022/08/12(Fri)13:26 No. 1040674 ID: 11bbc7
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>>1040636
Kuuhr is a strong and independent gnoll who validates himself! He needs no headpats!

Unless that's some kind of con, to let people get close enough to rob them while they're patting head.. hmm..

>>1040632
>>1040637
>>1040637
>>1040638
>>1040645

Kuuhr turns his thoughts to the world of valuable magic items. There are all kinds of-

>or just a +1 to something, but that's good too.

Kuuhr remembers the "+1" runes again, and sits up, incensed. Let Kuuhr tell you about "enhancement runes", random thoughts in head! Enhancement runes are nothing but a con the magic industry is trying to pull on the rest of the world! They cost like over ten times as much as buying an actual weapon, and what do they even do? They say they make your weapon more accurate and stronger, but they can never prove it!!

Oh sure, if a weapon sets on fire or shoots out electricity, that's pretty cool, but surprise, how convenient, you can't put those on a weapon unless you've put an """enhancement""" rune on it first and spent hundreds of gold for a bunch of useless glowy runes. Kuuhr knows a scam when he sees one, and he isn't going to waste his hard-earned money that he got from other people on it!

Kuuhr only uses natural, easy to replace mundane weapons, which are good enough for anyone, and don't let the magic smiths tell you otherwise. Especially when he puts poison on them.

Which he makes himself, because the alchemy industry is also a scam, but that's another story.

Point is, Kuuhr is too smart to fall for their system.



In any case, most magic weapons are found in magic shops, and those are always warded up so strong with security alarm spells that stealing with them is too hard to be worth the effort. Plus sometimes they hire 'adventurers' to guard the place and they're a real hassle.

No, the best places to steal good magic items from from are dragon lairs or maybe wizard sanctums. Dragons, being big dumb lizards, spend most of the time sleeping, and wizards are usually too busy pondering their crystal balls or whatever to notice someone breaking in. Both of them also rely more on being in remote and hard to reach areas than mountains of magical wards, too.

Kuuhr wonders if he should try and find a Dragon Lair, or a Wizard Sanctum...

Wizard Sanctum
AKA find one of questden's old D&D tabletop characters from a dead quest and fleece them.

Wizard Sanctum. What secret artifacts could a pretentious old fart hope to defend from your brilliance and cunning? :P

Find a dragon lair, you probably taste too bad to eat.

If magic shit is the name of the game, there's no one better to rob from than a wizard.

Let's find a sanctum.
We're off to rob a wizard!

Dragon Lair. Wizards are more likely to have dumb traps and lots of dumb magical guardians protecting their stuff. Half their stuff is probably tampered and experimented with anyway

Wizards make the best hoarders - dragons only hoard lame stuff like gold and jewels. If you want cursed trinkets you'll want to plunder the domicile of some old hermit that holds onto all sorts of amusing and/or embarrassing objects.

Let's raid a wizard sanctum!

>>1040675
That would sure be fun, wouldn't it? :-)

Kaed 2022/08/14(Sun)20:28 No. 1040890 ID: 22b6d5
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>>1040677
>>1040685
>>1040685
>>1040692
>>1040698
>>1040725

Kuuhr decides to go after a wizard sanctum. While this seems like an excellent plan for him, there is one flaw with the plan that he needs to work out first:

He has no idea where any wizard sanctums are located, much less how to get into them.

Fortunately, every grand heist begins with seeking out a target, and even a small town like this one probably has a rumor trail somewhere that Kuuhr can start to follow.

He stands up, tucking away the rest of his loaf of bread, and peers around the corner of the building he had been resting in the alleyway of. This village had an unpleasantly reddish brown color for all it's buildings that the thief didn't care for, as the soil in the area contained a large amount of red clay.

Still, looking down from the top of the slope of the hilly town's main street, he could see a few possible targets to go rumor hunting, but none of them were particularly promising.

There was a fruit seller relaxing under his brightly colored stall that appeared to have been painted to resemble a watermelon. Kuuhr supposed it was supposed to attract attention, but it stood out too much against the city.

A lizardfolk had set up a pottery stall, which was funny, because one thing everyone had too much of around here was clay already. Kuuhr supposed the clay was at least differently colored from the rest of the city, so maybe they had come in from elsewhere.

There was some dark furred foreigner which much longer ears than the doggish folk of the town who had spread out a carpet covered... some sort of cheap talismans or something? They were having an argument with one of the locals, probably about how tacky their wares are.

There was also one of those stupid tents that con artists pretending to be fortune tellers like to set up. Kuuhr had seen many of them before, dark tents full of intoxicating incense where they use cards and glittering glass balls to scam people out of their money while pretending to tell the future.



None of them were good starts for his heist, but Kuuhr had to start somewhere... and it was hard to tell what even the most boring townsfolk or traveler knew.

The fortune teller only sells lies. Speak the honest, maybe out of towner, common clay of the earth lizardfolk. Ask about their use in science stuff. Wizards need many containers to store their science.

Go for talismans guy, a foreigner who travels is bound to know landmarks for navigational purposes, a few of which may be wizard sanctums.

The fruit seller. Wizards have to eat too.

I second the idea of asking the talisman vendor. Might know about magic-users around.

Maybe the person in the tent is a sexy lady and wizards know all sexy ladies.

The stranger with trinkets sounds like a good start.

Talismans guy

The talisman guy, maybe he buys his wares from a wizard, if they are magic.

Kaed 2022/08/16(Tue)16:24 No. 1041024 ID: 22b6d5
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>>1040925
>>1040935
>>1040995
>>1040999
>>1041004


Kuuhr approached the talisman vender, because they seemed the most foreign to the area, and thus likely knew the most about interesting things that didn't involve the local clay and fruit industry. He crouched down in front of the doggish trader and gave his best winning smile.

"Kuuhr came to see all your shiny talismans, they are looking very valuable and good!" the gnoll lied, looking down at the garbage on the dusty blanket. "Black dog must have travelled very far to bring such good trinkets!"

The canine blinked for a moment, then smiled back at Kuuhr, amused. For some reason, a lot of people made that face when Kuuhr spoke to them. Someone had once told him that his trade-speech wasn't very good, but Kuuhr could make himself understood - and that should be enough for anyone! "You also sound like you're from far away, your ... accent... is unfamiliar to me. Do you want to buy something?"

Kuuhr spread his arms, pretending to look interested, and replied, "Oh, yes! But Kuuhr is looking to buy even better trinkets than this! Does black dog know good place to find powerful magics? Perhaps wizard or mighty sorcerer?"

The trader frowned, but thought about the question for a moment, clearly disappointed at the lack of a sale. Still, he answered, "Well, I don't know any wizards personally, but uh, I suppose people used to talk about the Sorcerer of Khemia, back where I came from. You know though, Kaemhia is quite far away, perhaps some of my wares here would interest you? All of them will protect you from danger! Like this one here, the on that looks like a boomerang, it's a ward against-"

The gnoll interrupted him, leaning forwards and pointing past the trader. "Look out! Kuuhr just noticed guard over there has been watching talisman dog since got here!"

The trader whirled around to follow the gnoll's finger. "Kuuhr hears there was kaemhia thief in town earlier, maybe guard is thinking to arrest friend black dog..."

The dog frowned, keeping his eyes on the guard behind him. "I don't know, he doesn't seem to be watching me... are you sure?"

Kuuhr sat back, shrugging his shoulders and smiling. "Kuuhr just saw him look away as soon as black dog turned around. Keep eyes on guard and black dog will see." With that, the gnoll stood up and began moving away, as quickly and quietly as he could, which was very.

He was already several dozen feet away before he heard the dog behind him yelp, "Hey!!", and he ducked into a convenient alleyway immediately after. Score. Information and something he could probably sell later!



The only problem was that Kuuhr wasn't too good at geography, so now he needed to figure out where 'Kaemhia' even was. That meant finding some sort of way there.

The cheaper option was to acquire a map (at a discount) from a local shop, along with any other supplies he might need, but while that option was cheap, he had gotten lost before, even with a map...

Kuuhr could also hitch a ride with someone heading there, but that would probably cost money and he'd have to find someone who was even heading there, so who knew how long that would take. Or what the conditions would be. But at least he'd get there!

Ask which way is Kaemhia, then stow away on a wagon headed in that direction. Repeat this step as necessary.

>>1041037
Seems like a plan.

This looks like a good plan.

Make sure the trinket trader isn't part of the caravan you're stowing away on.

Kaed 2022/08/23(Tue)22:43 No. 1041677 ID: 22b6d5
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>>1041037
>>1041219
>>1041229

Kuuhr has tried the stowaway thing before, and it never works as well as he wishes it would. Sure, Kuuhr can find a place to hide, but then he has to sit still and remain quiet for hours, usually while cramped up, without snacks. Snacks are very important when travelling long distances!

Still, thinking of stowing away gives Kuuhr and idea! Instead of paying to go somewhere, Kuuhr can trick someone who is going where he wants to take him along, by pretending to be someone important. This is like stowing away, but Kuuhr is allowed to move around and have snacks. So, better!

It takes Kuuhr a bit more of wasted daylight time to figure out he should start by figuring out which direction Kaemhia is, rather than trying to find someone who is specifically going where he wants. He learns that this place he has never heard of until today is west. That's the direction the sun sets in, Kuuhr knew this because he is very smart and because he already only got it backwards a few times in the past.

Eventually, after asking around enough and acquiring a new snack to replace his breakfast bread loaf, which didn't make it past noon, Kuuhr discovers that there is a small caravan run by kobolds that has stopped in this small town to restock their supplies before heading sunset-wards.

Unfortunately, Kuuhr knows kobolds love treasure, and would probably not give a handsome gnoll like him a free ride, no matter what he says. But Kuuhr has many tricks! While magic weapons are stupid and lame, Kuuhr has picked up a few much more useful magical tools in his long career as a thief.

One of the more useful is his Scarf of Disguise, which allows him to change his appearance to anything Kuuhr can imagine, as long as it is roughly the same body shape as his normal one.

Seeing as Kuuhr has to convince some kobolds to let him join their caravan, he knows exactly what to disguise himself as - a dragon! Everyone knew dragons could disguise themselves as anything they wanted, but usually liked to pick something that resembled their normal body only in a more compact shape. The thief pulls up his scarf and thinks hard, imagining the features that make up dragons.

A big scaly head with jaws and horns, red and yellow of course...

Large, menacing claws, too, those were important for a dragon disguise...

And of course he needed a big spiky tail, too...


It took a few moments for the scarf to work with the mental image he was feeding it, but when Kuuhr opened his eyes, he found the disguise finished, and just about as perfect as it had appeared in his brain. Kuuhr was truly a genius, to come up with such a plan.





The only question now was how to approach the kobolds to convince them that they needed to give him a free ride. Intimidation to scare them into taking him along? Make up some important dragon quest that he needed their help on? Or perhaps something else even better...

You're on your way to DragonCon. You can get them back-stage passes with the guests of honor.

Tell then you are willing to share a VERY small portion of your hoard as payment for safe travel.

And DO speak by saying "I" and "you".
What's with the third person?