Disclaimer: This is not me. This is someone I live with.

pawn h2 to h4.

>>207011
G1-F3

Pawn 2010/07/12(Mon)21:39 No. 207031 ID: e973f4
File 127899596973.png - (80.58KB , 1109x582 , 002.png )

>pawn h2 to h4.

While the RED ARMY is busy doing who knows what I relay your move to Hector, my buddy on H2.

Hector sneaks over to square H4 down the board.

RED seems to notice this and moves one of their PAWNS to E5. This opens up a viewing area for the RED QUEEN to glare at poor Hector. I always did like Hector, but if the RED QUEEN has set her sights on him, then he's a goner.

Let me tell you, the RED QUEEN is like the scariest woman alive. We're talking worse-than-Hilter scary. Her preferred weapon of choice is the UZI, but most of the time she just likes choking people. With her bare hands.

So yeah this is my first quest and I'm not the best artist so you might have to bear with me. In case you are concerned, this is not just going to be a simple game of chess...

>>207021
Agreed.

yes g1-f3 will give hector cover by the knight.

>>207038
Hector already has cover from the rook.

Wait do you guys actually die from this D:

Pawn 2010/07/12(Mon)22:33 No. 207056 ID: e973f4
File 127899922315.png - (92.25KB , 1052x802 , 003.png )

>G1-F3

Moving one of our valuable KNIGHTS to protect Hector might not be the best thing to do, but it does get us one step closer to CASTLING, which allows us to do cool stuff~

RED moves it's PAWN down a square, so it is now threatening our KNIGHT, which is not cool at all.

On the subject of PAWNS, dontcha think our nifty little complementary hats look kinda like berets? French people are weird!

In case I didn't spell it out, we should really do something to save our noble steed...

f3-d4

>>207059
nah, f3-g5. Let the red queen make a choice.

>>207088
G-5. Taunt, enrage, lose focus. Or something.

>>207056
I don't think it looks like a beret. Berets are flatter, and usually worn off to the side. Those hats look more like you're balancing a globe on your head or something. Although the little tassel on the top is reminiscent of the French head garb.

Pawn 2010/07/13(Tue)10:49 No. 207217 ID: e973f4
File 12790433649.png - (73.42KB , 926x431 , 004.png )

[1/2]
> f3-g5. Let the red queen make a choice.
A sound move! Moving the KNIGHT to safety in that manner has the added bonus of attacking the PAWN endangering it. The KNIGHT moves, and then it is RED'S TURN once again.

Shit. RED chooses to move one of their BISHOPS, in this case a renowned SORCERER. He usually pulls wacky antics that make our job a lot harder. He begins chanting and waving his arms wildly and . . .

The PAWN next to me is lifted in the sky and replaced with . . . a MONOPOLY IRON!? Let me check this thing out.

Pawn 2010/07/13(Tue)10:50 No. 207218 ID: e973f4
File 127904341897.png - (59.10KB , 638x599 , 005.png )

[2/2]

According to my PIECEODEX, this new piece is simply known as an IRON. It can move like a PAWN, except that it can't move. It can still CAPTURE DIAGONALLY however.

The RED ARMY usually pulls shit like this. I suggest we see what we can come up with to even the odds.

> Wait do you guys actually die from this D:

On the subject of whether the pawn that used to be next to me is okay, most of the time when we are CAPTURED it is in a non-lethal manner. This is not FIRE EMBLEM. Some pieces do befall misfortunate deaths, but it is usually frowned upon by both sides to cause them.

>>207218
>I suggest we see what we can come up with to even the odds.
Well... perhaps a short description of your more colorful teammates would help in that endeavor?

Pawn 2010/07/13(Tue)11:54 No. 207231 ID: e973f4
File 127904727471.png - (80.27KB , 1017x665 , 006.png )

>Well... perhaps a short description of your more colorful teammates would help in that endeavor?

I assume you'd like to know more about our BISHOPS then, because they have the most magic at their disposal, or at least in theory they should...

Our side. like RED, has two BISHOPS for our use, on squares A3 and A6. The one on A3 is fairly competent in the ways of ASIAN MAGIC and he studied under the great BISHOP Confucius. However, he is also a PACIFIST and prefers to refrain from anything that may get anyone hurt in any way. This is because he is a HUGE WHIMP and also a coward. He probably won't be of any use to us for the entire battle.

The other BISHOP is on the A6 square and he refers to himself as a CHEMIST. Who knows if he's actually able to do anything because he is always DRUNK. He's also probably not going to help us at all. In other words, we might want to see if any of our units can promote, or maybe if we can scrap the IRON for RAW MATERIALS which may allow us to MANUFACTURE new UNITS.

As our TACTICIAN, you can order our army to do pretty much anything and we can at least try to comply...

king e1 to e0 we're bustin out of this candyland

have a3 use his magic to make knight on g5 able to go faster, granting him the ability to make a standard 2/1 L OR a 3/1 L.

D2 to D3, we must protect Hector in case the bishop attacks.

>>207231
Tell the drunk Bishop to get cracking on something that will win the game or you're cutting off his booze supply.

>>207238
Then this.

Tell your pussy pacifist bishop to drop a pussy protection wall between our mighty steed and the enemy bishop.

Pawn 2010/07/13(Tue)13:48 No. 207277 ID: e973f4
File 127905411655.png - (92.51KB , 489x521 , 007.png )

[1/2]
>have a3 use his magic to make knight on g5 able to go faster, granting him the ability to make a standard 2/1 L OR a 3/1 L.

I talked to the BISHOP on A3 and he doesn't see anything particularly violent about promoting a piece, so why not.

. . .

DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT THING!?

I'm going to check it out on the PIECEODEX. According to it, it's called a SHUBSHIGGATHOTH, but you know what, fuck that, I'm calling this abomination a GNU. It can move in a 1-2 pattern or a 1-3 pattern. I think that's a CAMEL(?) that's been merged with our poor KNIGHT.

>king e1 to e0 we're bustin out of this candyland

You instruct your KING to move down a RANK, and the board expands accordingly. Oh no! You have triggered a trap set by the nefarious RED ARMY. Awaiting your KING in the imaginary file is a deadly ASSASSIN!

Pawn 2010/07/13(Tue)13:49 No. 207278 ID: e973f4
File 127905418497.png - (118.34KB , 978x1041 , 008.png )

[2/2]
I better whip out the PIECEODEX to look up this guy.

It seems like he can move on square in any direction much like a KING, but when he is captured, he takes down all pieces in the radius around him as shown below. We better find a way to deal with this guy before he threatens our KING. You know, I think that guy's name is Wesley. He looks like a Wesley.

XXX
XOX
XXX

>D2 to D3, we must protect Hector in case the bishop attacks.

As much fun as it is totally cheat the system, we are generally only allowed one MOVE per TURN. Hector should be okay though, I doubt RED will endanger one of their BISHOPS for a measly PAWN, even one as MANLY as Hector. And besides, we got our GNU in the way!

>Tell the drunk Bishop to get cracking on something that will win the game or you're cutting off his booze supply.

The BISHOP makes his own booze supply using ALCHEMISTRY. Taking booze away from him will only cause a reduction in our MANUFACTURING RESOURCES. I do tell him to be useful, but he only slurs something about PINK ELEPHANTS.

>Tell your pussy pacifist bishop to drop a pussy protection wall between our mighty steed and the enemy bishop.
Our pacifist BISHOP is exhausted from the TRANSFORMIFICATION MAGIC. He won't be able to do anything for at least a TURN or two.

next turn move gnu three up and one right, capturing the rook and immune to retaliation.

Definitely take the rook this turn.

Now, the assassin. He seems fixated on the king, which is good. Will a piece in the 'O' on that diagram get taken out too? If so we'll need some kind of protection from the bishop before taking him out.

Heh. If our bishops is drunk, maybe we can get theirs drunk too. Ask mr asian if he has any magic that affects mages, and if it can be laced with alcohol.

>>207278
What was that about melting down the iron?

Keep moving the king down. Let Wesley come! When Wesley gets close enough the king can take him out WHAT A TWEEST style and the spaces around the conquered assassin will all be blank, so no one gets hurt! Except Wesley.

Pawn 2010/07/13(Tue)14:43 No. 207290 ID: e973f4
File 127905738241.png - (60.13KB , 785x608 , 009.png )

>next turn move gnu three up and one right, capturing the rook and immune to retaliation.

I instruct the GNU to take the opponent's ROOK.

During RED's turn the ASSASSIN moves closer to our KING. RED's AERIAL MAGE drops a large RED CHECKER onto the board, right on top of our GNU, slaying it.

Our first piece has been taken. It is the first casualty of many to come in a long war of attrition. The GNU shall be remember for it's HEROIC SACRIFICE and it's ability to be really really really creepy as fuck.

>Will a piece in the 'O' on that diagram get taken out too?

The O in the diagram is the ASSASSIN. All of the Xs are pieces that become CAPTURED when the ASSASSIN is captured.

>Heh. If our bishops is drunk, maybe we can get theirs drunk too. Ask mr asian if he has any magic that affects mages, and if it can be laced with alcohol.

Our Asian BISHOP declines your request, citing alcohol as bad for the mind and the soul.

>What was that about melting down the iron?

Much like the ASSASSIN that appeared on the board, our KING can recruit additional UNITS by
expending MANUFACTURING RESOURCES to BUILD the new UNITS. I believe that if we allow for our drunk CHEMIST to decompose the IRON we can use the scrap metal to build other PIECES.

Oh and the CHECKER moves like a CHECKER. No need to consult with the PIECEODEX.

That would be stupid. And a waste of time.

e0 to f(-1)

have king move diagonal right/down

>>207290
Tell the drunk bishop to get the assassin drunk.

ask asian bishop if has a spell that would prevent the assassin from killing those around him. we need to take him out or the king is dead but the backlash of his attack is dangerous.

>>207290
The ASSASSIN is right next to our QUEEN. She should convince him to defect with her... uh... queenly attributes. If you know what I mean.

>>207333
I bet the queen can sacrifice her vagina for a hitman...

We must get our other bishop drunk without his knowledge |3

Suggestion 2010/07/13(Tue)21:24 No. 207504 ID: 67c611
File 127908145431.png - (576B , 16x16 , ChessQuest_Favicon.png )

posting here since there is no discussion thread. If you want to use this get dylan on irc or report this post and ask to have the favicon used as the reason.