>>687259
Oh, but it's not.

Do you have boobs? If you do, the first thing you should shout when you walk in is 'I HAVE BOOBS!'.

Guaranteed to get you the job.

What's the job? Terror of consequences? You'll be a natural.

Wait, what if... WHAT IF. Hair: grow. Shirt: fit.

Walk right in and fall flat on your face.

1/1 ??? 2015/12/05(Sat)23:46 No. 687282 ID: 8eb44b
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>Do you have boobs? If you do, the first thing you should shout when you walk in is 'I HAVE BOOBS!'

I do have boobs...Part of me is tempted to let whoever is interviewing to think I am a guy, only because--


>What's the job? Terror of consequences? You'll be a natural.

--I'm trying to be recruited as a guard for some noble woman staying in the city. There's a ton of foreign nobles around, actually. I guess I should have paid more attention, but I guess some tiny noble owns the city and land around it, and wants to give it to a big noble. Like, a king, or a queen, or something. So now rich people are arguing or something. There are tons of papers posted around town about it, but I guess my problem stands at not really understanding politics, and not being able to read. When someone talks about it outloud, it sounds as much like gibberish as the informational fliers look--ACK!

>Walk right in and fall flat on your face.

It's as if some evil force rudely decided to injure my low morale even more! And the worst part is, the doorway that I fell through is the public entrance to a bar-and-inn!

As I try to scramble up without making too much of a scene, I find that the orc bartender is giving me a nasty eye. Holy shit. Why is it shirtless? Those...Breasts, pecs, whatever--they're so big that I can't tell if the orc is a guy or a girl. Do male orcs have big chests? And those nipples are pretty big too...I can't tell if the orc is glaring because I fell, or because I'm staring at it's chest. I feel as if I have bonded with this orc, it probably has to go through the day being called the wrong gender.

...But anyways, the interview is in a private room upstairs. The main bar isn't that spruced up or fancy, but if you have enough money to rent one of the fancy gathering rooms, there's an entire staff devoted to giving you good alcohol and food.

Before I go up, should I purchase a drink for my hiring company? It could be a nice gesture, but I don't want to look stupid for offering cheap ale(I can barely afford even that) if they might have already ordered something fancy, like...Wine.

Skip the drink.

Loudly compare own chest to the orc's. Then to anyone else in earshot.

THEN go to the interview.

Skip drink, strut to the interview.

Are you an elf? Half-elf maybe? Your ears look pointy.

Jeez, stop panicking.
Did you see the neighborhood you're in? There is no way this place stocks anything costing more than 5c a pint.

So, why is something as scrawny as you trying to get hired for such a position? Is 'acquiring items in a convenient manner' no longer working?

Luckily that orc person says they already have drinks? Crisis averted.

1/2 ??? 2015/12/06(Sun)09:56 No. 687339 ID: 8eb44b
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>Are you an elf? Half-elf maybe? Your ears look pointy.

What? That's stupid. Of course I'm not any part elf, my ears aren't--...Well, I guess they're kind of pointy...Shit, are they? I'm pure human as far as I'm aware, I mean--Elves are pretty and graceful and strong! And I'd have, like...Magical abilities or something. I don't think I've ever met an elf. Are they magical? It doesn't matter, I'm...Mostly-kind-of-probably sure I'm just human. Pointy ears...

+5 self-consciousness to ears

>Loudly compare own chest to the orc's. Then to anyone else in earshot.

I begin to loudly stammer to the orc about how I understand it's pain about ambiguous boobs-and-lack-of, but I become so nervous under it's unnerving glare that my words just become random sounds.

"I--Y'know, ahh..Uhm--Yer chest--Mine--gah...S-sorry!"

It just continues to glare at me. I feel as if my bond has weakened with it. Damn.

>Did you see the neighborhood you're in? There is no way this place stocks anything costing more than 5c a pint.

Hey, this is the nicer part of the not-nice part of the city! Good enough for such an important interview, at least. There are fancier places to eat at, and places that sell better drinks but don't really have a bar, so...Well, it's the only public place that really offers this service. And it is pretty cheap...

>So, why is something as scrawny as you trying to get hired for such a position? Is 'acquiring items in a convenient manner' no longer working?

My life hasn't been a fun or honest one for the longest time. Longest time meaning ever, actually. I'm...Not comfortable relieving the majority of those memories at this time, it might screw up how I act here. This would be my first real job ever. What's more honest than blindly swearing to protect a foreign ruler? I'd have tons of respect, I'd get a spine, and the best part...The lady running this thing has an entire barracks where I can live in. For FREE! Same with food, and clothes! And I get paid on top of it! I mean, that's paradise! I can count the amount of times I've slept on a real bed, with a real blanket, under a roof I can legally be under on my hands! This is a real chance to turn my life around. I'm ready to leave my entire life behind and contribute to the city. Or, a foreign woman to begin with, and then the city if she like...Wins it, or however they're competing....

>Skip drink, strut to the interview

Right, a drink is stupid. What was I thinking? I'm about to meet with the captain of a private guard. She doesn't need cheap ale. Okay...Here I go.

2/2 Sylvia Moore 2015/12/06(Sun)10:16 No. 687341 ID: 8eb44b
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I quickly locate the steps that lead up to the private room, and leave the orc and any patrons behind. I manage not to trip on the steps. The upstairs has two separate rooms--one of them has a note stuck to it. I can't read it, but make the assumption that it's the indicator for being the occupied room.

With a deep breath, I turn the knob, and step inside...

A woman sits at a square table facing the door. Everything about her looks more awkward than I do. She looks like she'd be more fit in an oversized undershirt like the one I have on, instead of her weird button shirt.

...Hey, she looks kind of familiar. Where do I know her from?...

"Sylvia Moore?" She questions before I can think about it.

"Uh--Yes! Yes. Yes, I am. Yeah."

She doesn't look impressed yet.

"...Right. Ahem. I am Captain Catilyn Winds of Aileen Daither's personal guard. We're recruiting guards to train, as you know. I just have a few questions first."

"Wait, I don't need to be experienced? You're training me first?" I feel a wave of relief. I thought this was one of those jobs that required experience, which is mainly why I was so scared.

"...Yes," Catilyn sighs. "There's daily training and discipline for everyone of every rank. Now, Sylvia--Tell me about yourself. Why do you want this job? What do you know about Aileen Daither? Have you ever fought before, or do you own any gear? Why should I pick you over someone else?"

...Gut, I could really use your impulsive reactions so I don't screw up here. How honest should I be? I'm gearless, clueless, and every fight I've ever been in I've lost before I could get a hand on the other person. I'm...Useless, actually.

I've plenty of combat experience (You've been in fights before even if you tend to get stomped.)
Of that experience, the totality of it has been with no equipment.
As for Aileen Daither, I am aware that she is a foreign ruler of some variety, that's all.

>>687341
... so why DID you pick this job?

I think your main point should be that you won't give up whatever the situation, and you know about bad situations. Don't offer up how useless you probably are at the moment, but don't lie, either.

1) Yes.
2) His name.
3) I've gotten in lots of fights. ("Did you win any of them?" "I've gotten in lots of fights... sir")
4) I'm remarkably good at following orders.

>A woman sits at a square table facing the door.
Well that slightly improves your odds over a dude doing the interview. She's somewhat less likely to dismiss you out of hand for being female.

>Why do you want this job?
You're looking to make something honest of yourself.

>What do you know about Aileen Daither?
Her name, the fact that she's a noble, and that she's hiring.

>Have you ever fought before, or do you own any gear?
I haven't been trained to fight, but it's happened enough that you won't have to worry about me shying away from a situation where I risk getting beat up.

>Why should I pick you over someone else?
Loyalty. Besides yourself, who can you trust more than your own people you build up from nothing? They can train you to be what they need you to be, and you'll be it.

(Interviewing 101: sell your weaknesses as assets).

>Where do I know her from?
Does she happen to be the person you "acquired" the shirt from?

>I'm...Useless
You'll get better. It's never too late to learn a skill.

1/2 Sylvia Moore 2015/12/06(Sun)19:22 No. 687398 ID: 8eb44b
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>Does she happen to be the person you "acquired" the shirt from

I don't think so. No, her face feels like one I've seen a long time ago. Her accent is native to this area, too. But she doesn't exactly look like the kind of person that grew up in the same part of the city I did.

I realize that in my thoughts, I had been just sitting there in silence, staring at her--She's just frowning down at her papers.

I can do this. I can do this. I am filled with determination.

>Why do you want this job?

"...I-I'm...I'm lookin' to make somethin' useful of myself. A-and, I mean, live honestly--have honesty--Not to say I wasn't bein' honest about anythin'!"

Catilyn's brows furrow. I think she's irritated with me. Aughhhh.

>What do you know about Aileen Daither?

"...A-an' I heard 'bout the Lady Aileen from some talkin' around town. I saw some guy inna' same uniform you got, an' he said it were true. So, I mean, uh...I know she's one of the foreigners 'round wantin' to own the city, Mountcain, y-yeah?"

Catilyn says nothing and seems to sigh out of nose. I think she hates me.

>Have you ever fought before, or do you own any gear?

"...Lotsa' fights, yep. Yep. A lot. Plenty. Hah. Fist fightin' though. I got stabbed once. I mean--Knife fight, yeah. I was inna' knife fight. Really dangerous stuff, knives...S-sir."

...I think Catilyn is stifling a laugh.

>Why should I pick you over someone else?

This is the only part where I feel confidence overwhelm me. My voice speaks so freely that I don't think I stuttered even once! "I'm loyal. I guess there's nothin' you could ask me t'do that I'd question ye', unless it was just how t'do it better. Whatever ye' got to teach me, Captain Winds, I'm willin' to learn it."

There is a long silence.

2/2 Sylvia Moore 2015/12/06(Sun)19:33 No. 687400 ID: 8eb44b
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The silence is so long that I start feeling like I want to cry, and the short lasting confidence quickly wanes.

Suddenly, Catilyn rolls her eyes, and almost looks like I've pained her.

"You're a piece of fucking work, Sylvia. Just listen up. I'm not much older than you are, which is what--Twenty-three winters? I'm not sure you can even count that high, by the Spirits...My point is, I knew who you were the second I saw the name my comrade wrote down. I'm not here to discuss my past, but I know how you grew up. Who you grew up with. You're not material for this. You'll never be."

...Oh.

"...But damn you, if you're here, you're not on the streets. These nobles, they look at the poor folks like rats that need cats to kill them. Lady Aileen is a good person and one of the few nobles willing to give the city a chance to grow, unlike the others who want it torn down and rebuilt. Her campaign is for people like you." Catilyn drops her papers, and begins to rub at her temples as if she has a headache.

"...You're hired. Whatever. Sir Eofare will give you the goddamned worse time of your life in training. You'll get no special treatment for how horrible you'll be at this. You'll do all the same chores and training and you'll be punished each time just like everyone else, but you'll probably get it way more because I know you won't do well."

...I don't really know what just happened.

Hurray for nepotism! It's not who you know, but who knows you!

Thank her for hiring you, compare bra sizes, go to work.

Maybe ask how they recognize you. Maybe.

>But she doesn't exactly look like the kind of person that grew up in the same part of the city I did.
Well think- when would you have had reason to interact with someone higher class than you? In a school, an orphanage, anything like that?

>I know how you grew up. Who you grew up with. You're not material for this. You'll never be.
Well the pertinent question now is how you grew up / who you grew up with.

>I don't really know what just happened.
You got a job! Thank her. Even if you're getting worked hard and punished for not living up to standards, at least you've got a roof over your head and regular meals.

...even if you seem to have won this job by pity.

1/2 Sylvia Moore 2015/12/07(Mon)19:13 No. 687623 ID: 8eb44b
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>In a school, an orphanage, anything like that?
>Well the pertinent question now is how you grew up / who you grew up with.

I've never attended a day of school in my life. Most poor folks haven't. Education is a benefit of the rich. And where I lived was probably better than any orphanage. I--I don't know if I want to discuss this. I'm trying to get away from where I was, who was there. I'm a new person now. My own person. I got the job, right? I'm going to be alright now. Life will be smooth and steady, and...Nothing crazy is going to happen. Stealing food and clothes from the streets and vendors, breaking into houses of people probably barely able to afford it--those days are over. They're over.

It's only the future now.

>Thank her for hiring you, compare bra sizes, go to work.
>You got a job! Thank her.

"..Th-thank you, Captain Winds. You--you have no idea how grateful..."

Catilyn takes a long look at me. There's something sad in her dark green eyes, but she's not quite as irritated looking as earlier. Though I mostly heard a string of insults, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude that the job was mine. A king and queen lived in much more comfort than a guard, but a guard lives like a king compared to how I did.

I felt hot tears burning at the corners of my eyes, and instinctively sniffled, wiping them away with a hand. Catilyn seemed to come back to the present, and scowled deeply at me. Pushing back hard on her chair, nearly tipping it over as she stood up, she marched to the door.

"Come on, hurry up. We need to walk back. I didn't bring any horses and Lady Aileen's estate is outside the walls of the city."

She didn't stop to make sure I was following her, and I had to scramble to keep up behind her. With her back turned, a felt a smile creep up; a few tears ran freely, and I let them. There's no reason to wipe away tears of joy.

I think this may be the luckiest thing to happen to me yet. I ended the cycle that wanted to keep me weighed down, and nothing will put me back.

2/2 Sylvia Moore 2015/12/07(Mon)19:22 No. 687624 ID: 8eb44b
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About ten minutes of walking through the winding streets of Mountcain brought us to the eastern gate. I knew this path well--not far from the gate was a river used for washing and cleaning clothes by much of the city. Though it was near the upper-class market district, many of the lower-class passed through to get to the river. During the spring and summer months, all sorts of berries grew along the edges, and they were for all to pick. It's my favorite time of the year. With Fall picking up, no more berries sit upon the branches.

We pass through and begin down the path. Beyond the river, a massive stretch of woods goes beyond how far anyone can see. Only in farthest reaches can I see mountains painted against the sky, several days of travel away, even by horse.

>Maybe ask how they recognize you. Maybe.

"...How do ye' know who I am?" I cautiously pipe up, only casting a side glance to the captain.

She doesn't return the look. Minutes passed by--no response. She seemed to be doing everything she could to not look at me. I feel a bit guilty for asking, since she's so reluctant to answer...

Should I ask anything else to Catilyn? I think it's going to be a long walk to reach our destination.

See, this is why public education is so important. Some people worry that public schools breed gangs and enslave kids to bullies or some twisted childish dogma.

Some people don't realize that said potential risk is a reality out on the streets. And it's not dogma, it's a matter of survival.

It's STILL a matter of survival for you, so stay sharp and start learning.

Begin by asking Winds about the basic rules of guard survival; what you're expected to do to get paid, and what you SHOULD do to avoid death by disgruntled gang vet.

>Should I ask anything else to Catilyn? I think it's going to be a long walk to reach our destination.
Uh, maybe try talking shop? Might as well spend the time walking learning something useful.

What can she tell you about where you're going, your employer, or your duties?

'Will I meet Lady Aileen before or after Sir Eofare tries to make me a respectable guard?'