>fist-in-pickle-jar / Chinese finger-trap problems
'Malkov' lets out a spine-chilling cackle and offers to remove the offending limb.

>>824381
>horizontal dive
>rolled 6, 3, 3 = 12
>heroic desperation bonus from magic belt
Geoffrey rides his broken spear like some cross between a cavalry lance and a toboggan. Landing is less than graceful, but it's his boots caught in the hole rather than his belly when the wall starts to slide back into it's slot. If he'd been properly stuck, that would have cut him in half. Left, right, or straight at the next intersection?
>>824382
What, and render the patient lopsided? Gimme a roll for that phobia. Also, if their arm was cut off, it'd still be blocking the hole, meaning the treasure would be inaccessible. If you're willing to take some time and make some noise, the simple solution would be to use those iron spikes as chisels. You'd need a hammer; Isaiah and Pog have hammers. If you're in more of a hurry, feeling creative, and/or willing to take some risks, Kent and Wendy are both magic users AND engineers, with a reasonable selection of parts available, so you could improvise some sort of ritual or gizmo to circumvent the problem.

rolled 1, 6, 6 = 13

---

>>824390
Well the basic premise of the trap described would be easily circumvented by the insertion of additional limbs from another angle. If it gets tight when they pull out, simply re-orienting and pushing in a different direction should be easy enough. Let's try to drag in the arm in question along in a slow sideways arc, having the tip of the fingers trace a shape roughly comparable to a positive exponential curve, although likely less exacting in it's proportions. If that doesn't work, Kent can try putting their other hand on the stone near the base of the trapped elbow and "hold open" this Chinese finger trap, to cheat the system a little and hopefully make it easier to pull their elbow out.

rolled 1, 1, 2 = 4

---

>What, and render the patient lopsided?
Of course both arms would have to be removed.

Feeling a lot more confident now that most of the mortals are boulder paste and Kent is fairly helpless, Nistamatsin will go ahead and peel Malkov's face off. He'll gently smooth it out (they always look so sad when they're detached like this), roll it up with his cloth and stow it for future use.

He informs Kent that he should be able to chew through the arm(s) without too much agonizing effort, but if Kent really wants the treasure then something else can probably be figured out.

>could improvise some sort of ritual or gizmo to circumvent the problem.
I really don't know what we have to work with here so I'm just going to roll.

>>824416
>insertion of additional limbs from another angle
Not really applicable; there's only one hole to work with.
>tip of the fingers
>rolled 1, 6, 6 = 13
Kent's deft and sensitive fingers more than cancel out the penalties for working blind, and thus manage to disentangle the valuable item from some rough bits of rock it was looped around. Good thing, too, might have damaged the loot if somebody just snared it with some kind of extendo-hook and yanked.
>>824438
>peel Malkov's face off
>chew
>both arms
>agonizing
>something else can probably be figured out
>rolled 1, 1, 2 = 4
Having thus been critically motivated, Kent kicks off with as much strength as they can muster, crossing twenty feet horizontally in under two-tenths of a second before colliding headfirst with the far wall, scattering a cubic yard or so of fresh-made gravel in the process.

Kent is unharmed (physically, at least) and has successfully retrieved a silver wire bracelet with six tiny symbolic items which do something magical when removed, and will regenerate over time as long as the bracelet itself is intact. Three are immediately recognizable: a steel knife (or possibly sword), a ceramic mug, and a brass birdcage. The remainder are abstract, or at least unfamiliar: a narrow ivory cylinder with fluted ends and a single line scored down it's length, a dun-colored spiral with knurled texture, and a pair of parallel black rods with three crossbars connecting.

rolled 6, 1, 5 = 12

---

>>824490
Nistamatsin approaches Kent with a (very) wide grin and helps them to their feet. He'll go ahead and examine the bracelet. Roll for knowledge?

rolled 2, 6, 5 = 13

---

>>824390
Straight through.

Pog would like to remind the two treasure hunters upstairs that he is still ten feet in a pit with his arms and legs holding himself up! Could they at least do some stone-rippling magic so he doesn't have to use his muscles to stay in place?!

Well, Pog says all of this in dumbspeak, but whatever.

>>824709
The mug will turn into a mug of frosty cold beer, unless Nistamatsin personally is the one to remove it, in which case it will turn into two dozen wooden barrels of beer. Each of the barrels is just under two feet in diameter at the ends, a few inches wider in the middle, and three feet long, so you could stack 'em up on their sides and block a 10' square corridor floor to ceiling while leaving triangular holes that could almost function as arrow slits.

>>824710
About a hundred feet straight ahead along a rough-hewn borehole, then an abrupt right turn, fifteen feet further, and Geoffrey's boots are back on smooth flagstones. Left, or straight?

rolled 3, 6, 3 = 12

---

>>824759
At this point, Geoffrey will stop to catch his breath and look back to see if the vampire mist and faceless ninja are still following him.

>>824765
No sign of pursuit. A ball of eerie violet light (as bright as a torch) was hovering alongside, but when he calms down and starts to catch his breath it abruptly blinks out.

It is very dark.

If something were approaching, Geoffrey is not confident he'd be able to hear footfalls over the sound of demonic chanting, which has shifted rhythm and timbre from 'chase-scene slapstick' to 'joyless hyena laughter.' He would be able to feel it if anything sapient came within five yards, by the magical disruption, and he senses the will-o-wisp as it departs, but that doesn't provide any hint for direction or even number.

Light spell costs 1 per minute and can be cast at skill 12. If he'd upgraded it, that would be skill 15 and zero energy. Physical fatigue is at 7/10 and recovers 1 per ten minutes while resting, plus one for a solid meal. Magic-only energy reserve is at 5/5 and recovers 1 per 24 hours, or by transfer from physical using the Lend Energy spell. Overdraft from physical results in injury and possible unconsciousness. Overdraft from magic-only reserve is impossible.

rolled 4, 1, 3 = 8

---

Kent wants to go back and check the boulder passage- they should have heard something more substantial by now, and appear to be down an ally.

>>824926
The pit's open, Pog seems to have fallen in, he's thirty feet down, braced against the walls, and panicking. Isaiah's still laying inert on the other side.

rolled 1, 2, 1 = 4

---

>>824986
Is Isaiah's canvas long enough to lower down and let Pog grab onto? Failing that, Nistamatsin could probably jump down onto Pog's back (after retrieving Isaiah's hammer) and then use the spikes from his 'crown of nails' to create handholds for the climb back up.

Making the walls ripple seems like a surefire way to make Pog fall, but it's hard to say.

Or...does anybody have some sort of 'feather fall' spell?

>>825052
>Is Isaiah's canvas long enough to lower down and let Pog grab onto?
No.
>rolled 1, 2, 1 = 4
Long as you're looking around for options, though, the charm bracelet can produce a rope or a ladder.

>retrieving Isaiah's hammer
Pog already has a hammer. Even has a lanyard, so you wouldn't risk dropping it.

>Nistamatsin could probably jump down onto Pog's back [...] and then use the spikes from his 'crown of nails' to create handholds for the climb back up.
>rolled 1, 2, 1 = 4
Pog somehow endures having a hundred and fifty pounds of ravenous demon plummet three stories onto his spine, "borrow" the blunt half of Helicopter and even holds steady enough to be an adequate work scaffold for Nistamatsin to hammer nails into the wall (without Pog's superdwarven strength, wielding a massive sledgehammer to useful effect absolutely requires both hands), all without losing his grip or otherwise causing both of them to plummet into the possibly bottomless abyss. Not even when Nistamatsin misjudged a swing, jerking on the lanyard and squeezing Pog's collar against the blood vessels leading to his tiny brain! The Youngmason family builds to last, don't you forget it.

That was a fairly bad plan, but who am I to argue with the dice gods? Anyway, Pog's out of the hole now. What next?

rolled 2, 1, 6 = 9

---

>>825122
>That was a fairly bad plan, but who am I to argue with the dice gods?
Hahaha holy shit

Nistamatsin has saved three people today, which has to be a world record in do-goodery. Might as well defend my new title by going after our companions who fled from the boulder as well.

rolled 5, 4, 5 = 14

---

>>824777
Geoffrey will go ahead and cast light then. Can I choose which reserve to draw from? If so, the magic only reserve seems like the best choice right now.

Kent nods, satisfied the Porcine Orc is free. Letting... Malkov? Some demonic entity? Take the lead is fine by them. let's go get Vargas.

Pog will hold onto Isiah and follow the others.

>>825127
The Man With No Face is back by the giant snake skeleton. Sliding wall is open, vampiric fog has been destroyed. No sign of Geoffrey.

>>825132
>rolled 5, 4, 5 = 14
Energy reserve is at 4/5, light fails to appear.

rolled 3, 6, 6 = 15

---

Geoffrey reinforces his firm belief that magic is bullshit, but quickly realizes he forgot something very important. "ᚺᛠᛚᛖᚦ᛫ᛗᛁᚾᛖ᛫ᚨᛋᛋ!"

Rolling for another attempt.

rolled 2, 1, 5 = 8

---

>>825211
>Man With No Face
Now that Nistamatsin has ingratiated himself with the mortals through his heroics, he'll go ahead and return the face.

After that's taken care of, he'll go look past the sliding wall. Any signs of which way the fat one went?

rolled 1, 2, 4 = 7

---

The spirit of Geoffrey returns for one last luminescent roll, this time adding in his signature truffle-shuffle to the magical mix.

And, just as suddenly as it came, the ghost of Geoffreys past fades back away.

>>825235
>>825221
There's a sudden flash of light, which leaves Geoffrey temporarily blinded (until his pupils contract and he gets the spell stabilized back down to a candle-equivalent) and catches Nitsamatsin's attention through the intervening mist.

rolled 3, 6, 6 = 15

---

>>825310
Nistamatsin creeps forth, following the light.

>>825479
Geoffrey notices an unidentified hideous demon approaching, from the same direction he was half-expecting pursuit.

rolled 4, 1, 6 = 11

---

>>825631
Cue hilarious chase scene. Geoffrey will flee straight ahead.

>>825651
After a fifty yard dash and a pivoting stone door, Geoffrey finds himself in a room identical to >>811449 apart from the content of the frescoes, which mostly seem to depict excavation and construction, and the anomaly at the center. On the floor there's a normal-looking deck of cards, proximity to which makes it feel like somebody's trying to dig a hole in his shoulder with a jagged piece of ice.

rolled 3, 6, 1 = 10

---

Pog calls out to Geoffrey. Hopefully his curdling squeal will be loud enough to overwhelm Geoffrey's deafening bellowing.

Pog unleashes psychic power if roll is 14 lol not gonna happen

If anybody wants to draw from that pack of cards Geoffrey just found, pick a positive integer and roll that many 23-sided dice, all at once.

rolled 9 = 9

---

> Pick cards from strange deck
Do you reshuffle the cards back in? Because after taking out the first card, the odds of picking that card from the deck given that it is no longer in the deck are 0:1.

Either way, Pog will take out a card out of curiosity.

rolled 20, 3, 9, 11, 17, 21, 20, 12, 8, 19, 2, 14, 14 = 170

---

>>825955
>clearly the deck of many things
Thirteen cards

Geoffrey wisely stays away from this evil deck of cards and everybody who draws from it.

>>825962
No apparent effect, apart from the deck slipping out of his hands like a wet bar of soap and being snatched up by Nistamatsin.
>>825978
First card has an effect which will activate automatically at a later time.

Second one... okay, this is tricky. Is Nistamatsin's phobia of asymmetry a curable mental illness, or is it an innate part of the nature of that type of demon and/or the binding? In the former case, it's cured. Nistamatsin becomes completely sane, and has a drastic change of personality, equivalent to switching to an opposed alignment. In the latter case, if Nistamatsin is already sane, choose between http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic/all-spells/l/life-of-crime or http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic/all-spells/i/insanity

Third card does something weird to the remaining supply of brass balm.

Fourth card, semi-random magic item. Has to be something utilitarian rather than directly military, but that can include vehicles. What do you want? The more narrowly you specify, the less powerful it's going to be.

Fifth card, a life-size statue of Nistamatsin, naked and in an embarrassing pose, appears. It seems to be solid silver, and silver is roughly ten and a half times as dense as flesh, so you'll all be filthy rich if you can figure out a way to transport any significant portion of the metal. Conceivably it might be worth more as an intact objet d'art, but given that Nistamatsin isn't exactly, ah, conventionally attractive, it might be tricky to find a buyer with the right tastes.

Sixth card is a one-time use ability which can be activated at a later point. I'll tell you what it does if you survive the rest of this.

Seventh card is that first thing again. They stack, but won't both go off at once.

Eighth card provides a magic weapon. Again, semi-random, specifying more conditions squelches overall power.

Ninth card destroys all of Nistamatsin's mundane equipment (apart from the beheaded statuette) and annuls the ancient marriage.

Tenth card offers a choice: change your own nature by becoming immune to one thing and vulnerable to something else, with a sort of symmetry between them (details negotiable), or draw three more cards and ignore the least desirable among the three results?

Eleventh card's effect can't resolve until the details of that second one are sorted out.

For the twelfth and thirteenth, combined, roll 2d6 and I'll tell you what the number means after the rest of this preposterous metaphysical shitstorm is over.

rolled 1, 3 = 4

---

>>825985
>Is Nistamatsin's phobia of asymmetry a curable mental illness, or is it an innate part of the nature of that type of demon and/or the binding?
The phobia is a result of his binding. I'll pick insanity.

>The more narrowly you specify, the less powerful it's going to be.
Question on the magic items, can I provide no specifications for maximum power?

>a life-size statue of Nistamatsin, naked and in an embarrassing pose, appears.
>it might be tricky to find a buyer with the right tastes.
I don't care, this must be displayed.

>and annuls the ancient marriage.
Would that annul my bindings as well?

>For the twelfth and thirteenth, combined, roll 2d6
Rolling

For the rest...give me a little time to think it over.

>>825996
As for the eleventh card, a radiant androgynous swan-winged elvenoid with skin like gold-veined marble and eyes like pearls (with no irises or pupils) appears, holding a sword in one hand and a stone tablet in the other, and attempts to propose some sort of convoluted contract, but by this point Nistamatsin is frothing at the mouth and trying to bite whoever gets close.

>rolled 1, 3 = 4
You've got four Wishes. One of them could be spent, in a lucid moment, to cure the Insanity. Might want to hurry, if you're going to do that, since incoherent babbling will eventually produce something that can be parsed as a Wish. You could also spend two Wishes to specify a card you haven't drawn yet, or three to retroactively modify some previous interaction you've had with the deck, such as the decision of how many cards to draw, or which card came up on any single draw.

>Would that annul my bindings as well?
Simple way to find out would be to see if those bites can draw blood. Though, if the victim is fighting back, the bindings wouldn't apply even if they were intact. Any volunteers?

>no specifications for maximum power
Yes, but you might end up with a weapon you have no idea how to use, or a vehicle too big to fit through the doors, or something self-defeating like that.

>Drew the Wish card twice
Hahahaha!

>cure the insanity
Yeah, I think I'll do that.

>magic items
Alright, for the utilitarian item I'll go with a vehicle that is good at traversing caverns and capable of carrying that beautiful statue. For the magic weapon I'll go with something I can wield with my current physiology and knowledge and that looks like a mundane, non-military object like a rowboat oar or a big serving fork.

>You could also spend two Wishes to specify a card you haven't drawn yet
Could I just choose the card that gives a ton of XP? Also, do I have to use all my wishes now or can I save them for later?

>>826056
>Could I just choose the card that gives a ton of XP?
Only if you picked 'draw three' instead of 'immunity/vulnerability' for that tenth card. Otherwise, you can't draw any more cards (except by spending all three remaining wishes to redefine your initial choice of thirteen to some higher number - you could redefine it to a lower number, but since that would also result in not gaining the three wishes, there'd be a minor time paradox for 27d6 damage, which for various reasons would be more survivable than it sounds). Furthermore, you might not want to, because the only XP-granting card in this deck has some potentially unpleasant side effects.
>Also, do I have to use all my wishes now or can I save them for later?
You can save them for later, but might thereby end up wasting them with incautious statements.
>a vehicle that is good at traversing caverns and capable of carrying that [...] statue
Bulge in the floor pops like a blister to reveal a circular bronze hatch locked with a central wheel.
>something I can wield with my current physiology and knowledge and that looks like a mundane, non-military object
Sturdy 7' pole of some reddish metal, doesn't even register as magical until you unscrew the cap on one end. A fearsome spearhead pops out, unfurls into a broad leaf shape, and bursts into twisting corrosive flame. Cap goes back on easily enough, at which point it could again pass for a mundane iron bar with odd lacquer.

That just leaves the tenth and eleventh cards needing to have immediate consequences resolved.

rolled 4, 1, 6 = 11

---

>the only XP-granting card in this deck has some potentially unpleasant side effects.
That just makes me want it more! Taking three more cards and using two wishes to give myself the XP granting card as one of them. Rolling for the other two.

rolled 13, 6 = 19

---

>>826070
Sorry, force of habit. Also, I'll try to see what this contract's actually about.

>>826071
Alright, the effects from those three cards are:
A) Redefine the terrain type of an adjacent hex, including overall climate but not immediate weather (since adjacency can be vertical, this could alter terrain on nearby parts of the surface, or add entirely new paths from the Bloodmist Labyrinth to a paradisical cavern complex of up to 95 square miles, but you'd still need to actually find that exit).
B) One ally chosen at random or OOC volunteering is banished to a hoary netherworld and seamlessly replaced with some manner of insidious hostile doppelganger.
C) An avatar of Death appears, relentlessly seeking to destroy you. Anyone attempting to interfere gets their own reaper to fight.

Pick two to happen, one to avoid.

>>826073
Alright, I'm going to be the heartless bastard and choose to avoid option C.

Anyone going to volunteer for the banished-and-replaced job? You'll be able to continue playing your existing character in a solo adventure in the relevant hoary netherworld once I get that set up, and also play as the nefarious imposter.

>>826206
Which region are you going to modify? You've got twelve to choose from: three on the surface (hills around the Temple of Final Sacrament, beach, and the mouth of the Stoneheart River), six underground on the same level (some of which include dungeon stuff), and three deeper underground (one of which includes the goblin city of Greznek). In each case the targeted region is a hexagon 12 miles wide, area of approximately 95 square miles, though the exact borders may be a bit blurry.

What will you terraform it into? Absolutely any natural terrain type is possible, regardless of contextual plausibility (chunk of rainforest in the middle of the desert, etc) and various fantastical elements as well. 'Ruins' are possible, but not usable buildings. Random sprinkling of natural resources or buried treasure is possible, but not streets paved with gold. Mutations to adjust an existing ecosystem to the new climate are possible, but not abiogenesis. If statuary is what you want, you could raise up a small mountain, the side of which 'naturally' resembles your face, or whatever other feature you feel the general public needs to be more thoroughly informed of. Unlike with the magic item specs, more detail here is always good.

As for the pact being offered by that archon... healing and support services to help you escape this dungeon, plus that greatsword (fourth-tier named weapon) as a prize, in exchange for your promise to complete a little quest: clear out, cleanse, and generally restore to working order an abandoned hospital less than half a day's travel from Zelkor's Ferry. Fail, or refuse, and you still get the sword, but only the sharp end.

rolled 6, 3, 6 = 15

---

>>826225
Would sapient creatures be mutated to fit the new climate as well? Say, the goblins of Greznek changed into something else? Would spacial anomalies or permanent geomantic atrocities be possible as a chosen terrain feature? This is pretty huge so I'd like to put a little thought into it. I do believe I'll do the terraforming underground though. A statue of some kind will of course be included.

>Fail, or refuse, and you still get the sword, but only the sharp end.
This archon drives a hard bargain. Nistamatsin will agree, but he'll ask for some information regarding assets that will be useful for carrying out the quest. Specifically, how to drive this subterranean vehicle.

>>826287
>Would sapient creatures be mutated to fit the new climate as well? Say, the goblins of Greznek changed into something else?
Not usually. Mutations are only allowed when they'd be necessary to adapt, and in most cases tool-users can adequately adapt to different environments just by using different tools.
>Would spacial anomalies or permanent geomantic atrocities be possible as a chosen terrain feature?
Yes, absolutely. That's what I mean by fantastical features. Don't reach outside the area, though, except to provide access to pre-existing places the way a border or cave mouth usually does, and remember that spatial anomalies shouldn't alter the total available surface area too much.
>This is pretty huge so I'd like to put a little thought into it.
I appreciate it. Take your time, that won't be a bottleneck issue until the subterrene is up and running or somebody finds some other way to reach the reshaped area.

>information regarding assets that will be useful for carrying out the quest.
Permanent light sources, ablative blessings, and a whisperweb can be provided with trivial effort. Restoring the dead or dismembered to wholeness is more difficult, but possible. Directly pointing the way to an exit from the Bloodmist Labyrinth is not available at this time, not without additional favors.
>Specifically, how to drive this subterranean vehicle.
That stone tablet the archon carries is a translation key between Low Draconic and the language in which operating instructions are engraved on every available interior surface of the subterrene. http://falsemachine.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/derro.html A week of intensive study (with the archon's help) could get someone to the point where they can at least partly understand the instructions without reference to the tablet, and then it's possible to simply learn by doing.

rolled 3, 2, 2 = 7

---

>that won't be a bottleneck issue until the subterrene is up and running or somebody finds some other way to reach the reshaped area.
That in mind, it looks like everything else has been resolved.

With a sleepy grin, the stark naked demon thrusts the cards into Kent's hands and then turns around to bite Pog hard and without warning. Once that little test is over, he scoops up all his new toys like a child at the playground and scurries down the subterrene hatch to take stock of his new existence. (he says he'll be back up to help move the statue shortly)

I believe I still have one wish. Brainstorming possible uses...

1. Try to find which one of my companions was replaced with a doppleganger and wish them back
2. Wish back this 'Helen' thing so that Kent has fewer qualms about joining me on this quest to Zelkor's Ferry
3. Another statue?

>>826456
>rolled 3, 2, 2 = 7
Something like "I wish for myself, that Helen person who Kent is looking for, my allies, their allies, all the aforesaid people's personal equipment and portable wealth (including this vehicle), and a section of architectural-quality marble shaped like myself (from someplace deep underground where nobody will notice that it's missing), all to be safely and unobtrusively transported to Zelkor's Ferry" would probably work. Want to go for that? It'd wrap up thread 4 pretty decisively, render the doppelganger issue moot, and incidentally rescue Azure from the POW camp by reuniting her with Pog about twenty miles outside Passholdt's borders.

>>827304
Sounds perfect. Though I'm not sure exactly how that'll include Rhea.

>>827306
Well, Rhea was at one point Geoffrey's ally, so allies of your allies covers her.