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Gold Tulip
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Ann "Would it be rude to regift the crown?"
Gina "What would she even want with it? Isn't this Reefa chick already a princess?"
Ann "Ah, yeah, you're right..."
Spike's unexpected gift of a woman was... mildly surprising to say the least. Finding out that it was just a large bullet turned into a princess by a magic crown was... surprisingly easier to accept. Frankly, from what I've seen and heard from the other holiday events, it was believable. Turns out it likes Smash Bros.
Gina "Course I'm ri- FUCK!"
Bullet Bill "You've gotta watch out for the bomb-ombs. They start walking around after-"
Gina "I know! I know, I just got distracted."
Bullet Bill "I was hoping you'd distract him for just a little longer. Unless a Smash Orb spawns right behind me, I don't have a chance."
Logan smiles confidently, as the round will almost certainly go to him.
Ann "Alright, Reefa's a princess, and her kingdom is supposedly really great and prosperous..."
I sigh, and bury my face into one of the couch cushions.
Ann "What are you supposed to give someone like that? It sounds like she has everything she could ever want already."
Gina "You're the only one of us who met her, so what did she seem interested in then?"
Ann "I only got info on her kingdom. I didn't think to ask about her."
Gina "Wow, that's super impolite. You're such a jerk, Ann."
Logan "Th-The worst."
Bullet Bill "So mean."
Ann "Ha. Ha. You are so funny. I am overcome with laughter at the humor that you have dispensed to me. Ha."
Gina "You said she was from a kingdom?"
Ann "Yeah, I kind of got a medieval fantasy kind of vibe from her dress and booth."
Gina "Well there you- GOD FUCKING DAMN THIS GAME!"
Logan holds back a chuckle, as the screen displays his victory.
Bullet Bill "He got us..."
Gina "I noticed!"
Gina was literally steaming with frustration. It wouldn't be a problem, since this was her house. She could burn the carpet here all she wanted, as it would just get buried in all of the others scorch marks.
Ann "Hmmm... Ah! Gina, I think I get what you were saying."
Gina "Good. How about you, Logan?"
Logan gave us a confused look. He hadn't caught on to what we were thinking yet.
Ann "Princess Reefa comes from a medieval fantasy kingdom, unless her apparel was unrepresentative of her homeland. So the best gift for someone like that would be..."
Logan "...S-Something m-m-modern?"
Ann "Bingo!"
Gina "Do you got any neat tech we could wrap up and send?"
Logan opens his mouth, but Gina quickly holds out an open palm to stop him.
Gina "Yeah, just realized what I did there. Give me a minute."
She leaves the room without explanation. About 20 seconds later, she comes back wearing a pair of earbuds. She hands me a pair as well, which I quickly put in.
Gina "Alright, chatter away."
Logan "I-I have a f-few things that we c-could gift. Just yesterday I was tinkering with the idea of using the theoretical principles of quantum mechanics as a foundation for..."
Logan nearly blasted us away as he spoke. He held nothing back in his lengthy impassioned ramble. I swear, the room was shaking with each syllable. Even with the earplugs, I held my hands over my ears in a desperate attempt to block it out. The poor Bullet Bill, who didn't even have ears to plug, had resorted to hiding on the other side of the couch as Logan. Meanwhile, Gina was just sitting and nodding along, like nothing was wrong. I guess you can get used to near eardrum shattering volume with extended exposure.
Finally, Gina motions for Logan to stop, and he cuts off mid-speech.
Gina "Simplify it a bit. It's a Christmas gift, it doesn't need to be cool in a way that only genius smarties can get. Something gimmicky and awesome's what we need. Like that portal pocket, the noise-powered deep fryer, or some other thing that tells you everything you need to know in four words or less."
Ann "Since we're looking for a gift for a princess, we should keep in mind what her life is probably like. She probably has advisors and armies to keep her safe, so no weapons. And, maybe don't get anything too dangerous either, else she may not get it at all. For her, maybe just something..."
Gina "Fun?"
Ann "Yeah. If she's well off, then all we can really give is something entertaining. Like you were saying, Gina, something gimmicky and awesome's definitely the way to go."
Logan takes a moment to think before responding back. I hold my ears once more in preparation.
Logan "R-Remember when I w-went to your school?"
Gina "Yeah, but I don't remember you building all that much that semester. What specifically?"
Logan "My s-science f-f-fair project?"
Gina "Oh yeah! Those shoes that let you fly, right? Why the hell haven't we used those more often?"
Logan "...The battery p-problem."
Ann "Didn't Mr. Thornberry break his leg when those shut off mid-air for him?"
Logan hides his face behind his hands in shame of that memory.
Ann "Wait, but Princess Reefa has wings. What if she can already fly?"
Gina "Ah shit, that's right."
Logan "W-Well, c-c-considering aerodynamics, the Aerodynamic Incredible Drift Shoes Model Number 69 could allow for greater mobility in the air. Sudden direction changes, greater heights, the ability to idle in mid-air..."
He goes on with his monologue, to the agony of me and the Bullet Bill. Soon enough, Gina shows us mercy, and stops him.
Gina "Yeah, the AIDS-69 are-"
Uncharacteristically, Logan slugs Gina in the arm. Pretty forcefully too.
Gina "Right, forgot how much you hated that name."
Logan "I-I will make a wh-whole new model j-just to g-get rid of that horrible name."
Gina "Then it'll just be AIDS-70."
Logan hits her again.
Ann "Why don't you just drop the 'incredible' from the name? Then it would just be ADS."
Logan "B-Because they are i-incredible..."
Gina "Better fix the battery problem before we send them. That, or just leave a warning note in the box."
Ann "Yeah, I don't want to anger an entire kingdom by dropping their princess out of the sky. Also, it would just be kind of mean. Not really in the spirit of Christmas."
Logan "I-I can fix it in h-half an hour. N-No sweat. A-A-After the L-14 disaster, I-I'm a l-l-lot better with p-power problems."
Ann "What about the crown? You came in wearing it, BB. Do you want to keep it?"
Bullet Bill "Nah, it feels weird to have skin. Ick."
Ann "How about you two?"
Gina "Nuh uh."
Logan doesn't reply, instead picking his controller back up and ignoring the offer.
Well... he didn't say no.
I place the crown on Logan's head.
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